Archive for September, 2012

Perfect Pairings

September 10, 2012

When it comes to wine and food pairings you need to study the art and science of sophisticated flavor components to be able to  comprehend all the complicated systems required for the enjoyment of fine dining.

Be very aware, for this is in fact something similar to rocket science.  Thankfully rigorous guidelines have been developed to facilitate successful wine-and-food pairings.

In this case we are examining the chemical make up of the worlds most popular Chardonnay based beverage: Rombauer!

The Carneros sourced Rombauer Chardonnay is the style of wine that the majority of Americans gravitate towards.  Its honeyedew, yellow peach and fig body supported by vanilla and carmel frame make it nearly impossible to pair with haute cuisine.

Thankfully the pain reliever Vicodin (a combination of two analgesic products hydrocodone and paracetamol) is a natural and available narcotic that binds opiod receptors in the brain and spinal cord that pairs beautifully with the tropical fruit laden oak menace that is Rombauer Chardonnay.


Whether a special occasion with that someone you thought was special 8 years ago or after a busy day pretending to play tennis,


Rombauer Chardonnay and Vicodin fuse together the same way  an intended parent recruits the help of a young, healthy gestational surrogate egg donor to create a family.

The rich and lush and buttery and silky fruit-forward Rombauer Chardonnay is the perfect counterpoint to the desirable effects of euphoria, drowsiness, depressant effects on the central nervous system and slowing of the pulse which are all positive components of the semi-synthetic opioid analgesic Vicodin pill.

The constipation, dry mouth, decreased appetite, yellowing of eyes and skin, bruising, stomach pain, dizziness, decreased sex drive and muscle twitches side effects of Rombauer Chardonnay should be no deterrent to the powerful zing of the orally taken or crushed up insufflated snorted or liquid extracted rectally syringed Vicodin pill.

If no Vicodin or second rate  analgesic or recreational heroin is available to you; science has also concluded that a late night viewing of “Gladiator”can be a reasonable substitute.