Mega Purple to the Rescue!


“Help!  My less than superior Pinot Noir grapes that I bought have finished into a puny, thin wine with pale color and it stinks of brettanomyces.  How can I thicken the texture, sweeten the finish, mask the odors and give the wine a more aesthetic dark appearance?”

MEGA PURPLE! 

Brought to by Constellation Brands, they own… basically all the mass-produced wine beverages found in every grocery and box store around the country.

MEGA PURPLE! is a super concentrated, boiled down jelly substance derived from Teinturier grape varieties which have dark skins AND dark pulp.  Add a small percentage to your wine before fermentation and let the magic happen.  A little bit goes a long way, too much and your wine will have an over-ripe characteristic.  Get it on your fingers and it will stain them for a long time.

Use it to “adjust” your wine, sweeten it up, give it a syrupy body.  Make those pink rosés redder, those red Syrahs blacker.  Who wants a delicate, mineral wine with a sissy rosy bouquet when you can jack it up with MEGA PURPLE! and turn it into a crowd pleasing jam bomb with viscous purple legs.  

It is relatively cheap as well!

Celebrate the homogenization of wine, do yourself a favor and request only MEGA PURPLE! wines!!!!

Advertisements

2 Responses to “Mega Purple to the Rescue!”

  1. karenberndt Says:

    oh wow 😦

  2. Anna Says:

    Add Sebastiani to the toxic list. My landscaper used to work in the “mixing” room. A bad harvest of brown moldy grapes was mixed with the miracle or artificial flavor, sugar, alcohol and dye to make wine. They could start with water and make wine – its complete BS. The labeling laws are not required to tell you what you are ingesting. Mega Grape is suppose to get its color from other grapes but it is expensive. I am going to guess the crap dyes in 50 gallon barrels from China isn’t made from grape skins. Red dyes cause bladder cancer. My dad loved red wine, my dad died of bladder cancer. Red wine is toxic crap – and people drink it “for their health”.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: